Brain Injury Journal

A small confession

I have a confession. In my last blog, I posted a picture of me as a baby with my dad. At least, I thought it was me. Soon after, I received a text from my mom, “call me.” A voicemail and another text later, my mom writes, “I don’t know if it is worth mentioning but that is not a picture of you with your dad. That is your sister.” Hmmmm… now that I think about it, I remember thinking that the couch looked REALLY dated. Oops.

When I talk to my mom, she says she prayed over whether to tell me or not because she didn’t know if I made the mistake because of “my issue.” Side note: Is that what we’re calling my brain injury now, “my issue”? I certainly have to contend with that but I didn’t get confused by the picture, I just thought it was one of me. I giggle because, well, what am I going to do about it now? I tell her that I might as well keep it up there until I find a replacement one. Then she tells me that this is how fiction becomes fact. Thanks, Mom, I thought I got a pass for “my issue.”

But, then I go from an embarrassed giggle to really laughing because maybe the joke’s not on me – my dad didn’t even mention the picture when he told me he was touched by the story about him. So my mom is concerned enough about my feelings to pray overnight and my dad doesn’t notice. This sounds suspiciously like a set-up for a sitcom gag, right?

I was okay living with the baby-picture-that-isn’t-me-on-the-internet when I realize that it might really hurt my dad’s feelings if he finds out that he didn’t recognize a picture of his own daughter. I will admit that I went through my options 1) replace the picture, 2) don’t say anything or, 3) buck up and tell him. Option 1 seems like the path of least resistance…except I go through every family album I have and there’s not a single picture of just me as a child with my dad. I’d prefer option 2 except there’s a flaw in this plan too. My sister has already razzed me about impersonating her on the internet and I know it won’t be long before she relays this to my dad.

I’m motivated to protect his feelings so I make the call. I feel terrible that I misled him about the picture – especially because I’d wanted to acknowledge how much my dad’s caring has meant to me. When I get my dad on the phone and tell him that I’m sorry but I made a mistake about the photo, he says, “I tried to tell you that wasn’t you a few times. It’s your sister. But, I guess you didn’t remember and so I didn’t want to hurt your feelings about it.”

Oh my, we have come full circle. My mother wasn’t sure whether to say anything to protect my feelings about my brain injury. I sweated this one out to protect my dad’s pride as a father. And my dad stays silent to protect me from feeling bad about my memory gaps.

I’m not sure whether there is a lesson in any of this. Maybe it’s something as simple as knowing that I’m surrounded by people who all make choices to help and protect one another as best they can.

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